A few semesters ago, I took a class called Western Civilization. We studied whole societies that had left behind their entire legacies through artifacts that we have unearthed. We have had to connect the dots and take great leaps in order to understand these civilizations.

Archeologists uncover a scroll with an extensive variety of drawings of strange creatures, and they might come to the conclusion that those are all of the gods that the society worships

…but what if all it was, was just the doodles of an angsty teen?

Imagine a billion years from now, our society no longer exists and a spaceship comes down to find what we had left behind. Imagine, if all they have to explain our great nation, is a season of The Bachelor.

As much as we hate to admit it, this show is  A D D I C T I N G.

The young women on the show will quit their job, leave their kids, and essentially put their lives on hold, in order to go date a guy, who they don’t know, and is openly dating about 20 other girls. I am sitting on my couch, watching as these girls are comforting each other about any problems they’re having about dating the same guy:

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he still has feelings for you. When I go on my date with him, I’ll be sure to talk you up.”

Come again?

Personally, I would love to watch this show without all of the dramatic background music. There must be such a plethora of awkward silences during these scenes. In this past episode, I especially enjoyed when, after Ben gave a certain psychopath the boot, the camera man and producers felt it necessary to zoom in and out on frames of the poor girl all alone on the beach as Ben and the other girl rode off into the sunset. Cruel? Yes. Slightly hilarious? A little bit.

I don’t find her obvious heartbreak as hilarious as the fact that the camera man or producer probably made the poor girl stand around, on that horribly windy island, crying, and getting pelted with sand so they could really capture the moment.

“Okay, yes, keep crying just like that. Now, gaze into the distance and watch as the man who just ripped your heart to shreds leaves you alone on this island to be with 6 other womenYou can have a tissue when we’re done, now GAZE! Work those tears!!”

I don’t think getting dumped could get much worse than that. However, it’s hard to feel bad for someone who gets to be flown around to different romantic destinations around the world and fall in love with a hot guy. And it only cost her a little heartbreak. Buck up kiddo, that’s why God made wine and chocolate!

I will neither confirm, nor deny, if I have the application to be on the next season of The Bachelor saved on my computer…

Hopefully this show, although it is a guilty pleasure for so many, isn’t the only thing left to define our society, but at least the aliens would be thoroughly entertained.