A Girl Walks Into A Walmart…

After a long day of class and meetings, the last thing I want to do is venture into the vast and unknown world of Walmart. However, my roommate is going through mid-semester crisis and needed hair dye in order to ease her need for change.

So, off we went.

Walmart is a land of opportunity. The opportunities you have aren’t always necessarily good ones, but they are opportunities none the less. As a walked past the mountains of products, and groceries and lawn chairs, I realized how many questions and comments were going through my head.

I have decided to compile a list of thoughts that cross most people’s mind as they venture into the unknown crevice of the earth that we call Walmart.

  1. “Aren’t the greeters supposed to look happy? This guy looks like he could eat small children for breakfast.”
  2. “I remember when they would give out those smiley face stickers. Who was the jerk that disbanded that amazing policy? I loved those stickers…’
  3. “Oh wow, only 3 dollars for a set of 5 bungie chords, what a deal! Wait a minute, no. I don’t even need those.”
  4. “Why is that child screaming?”
  5. “Sir, please invest in a belt.”
  6. “How on earth did she get her hair that big?”
  7. “Why do I ALWAYS get the cart that has a wobbly wheel?!”
  8. “All I need is a [insert basic item here], WHY CAN I NOT FIND IT?”
  9.  “10 pizzas for 10 dollars? Who on God’s green Earth needs to fill their fridge with 10 pizzas?”
  10. “How is that child STILL screaming?”
  11. “Ok, if you are going to take 7 years to pick out a deodorant, I’m going to need you to NOT block the entire aisle with your cart.”
  12. “There are approximately 32 cash registers, and 2 cashiers working…makes sense.”
  13. “Alright little girl, your mom is not getting you a candy bar- GIVE IT UP.”

Whether we’re out of Q-tips, need to stock our fridge, or furnish the patio, Walmart has our back.

…Whether we like it or not.

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