My Toxic Traits

Toxic traits: We all have ’em. As long as you stay near the “annoying” side of the scale as opposed to the “possible serial killer” side, you’re probably good to go and laugh at yourself.

Here are a few of my many toxic traits:

I blast Christian radio when I’m stuck in traffic to help with road rage

I’m less likely to call someone a “hairy-chested inbred” if I’m listening to people singin’ about Jesus.

I mix up the words “flavored” and “scented”

I went into Bath and Body Works and told the lady I loved vanilla flavored candles at check out. I think she knew what I meant, but in case she’s reading this— I swear I don’t eat the candles.

I have 40 aaaalmost empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner in my shower

Marie Kondo would be ashamed. I understand it’s a problem–but I also understand that I 100% intend to buy more shampoo, and 0% intend to throw any away yet.

My response to the third alarm going off in the morning? “I SEENT IT”

Out loud. And every morning, I am just as surprised when that sentence comes out of my mouth…

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I take the remote with me when I get up to do something, only to leave it near the tv.

*Finally gets comfortable in bed after 40 years of shifting around* *spots remote sitting across the room* DANG IT.

I have 4000 unnecessary keys on my keychain

Over here looking like a janitor for a 17 story building: Gym pass, work building pass, house key, car key, bull key chain?, bottle opener I got for free at a UT football game freshman year, mailbox key, mystery key??? , broken key, parents’ house key…

Spin Class

Why I Thought I Would Enjoy Spin Class:

  1. Only 30 Minutes
  2. Upbeat Music
  3. Other people seemed to like it
  4. You can sit down! But it still counts as working out!!!

What could possibly go wrong?

You heard it here first: absolutely everything went wrong.

Why I Actually Thought Death Was Upon Me During Spin Class:

  1. All of the 30 minutes were spent not knowing what the HECK I was doing. What is an RPM? Why is the room flashing red? I can’t hear anything. When do we get water? My ankle will physically detach from my leg if my foot slips out of the pedals again. Is the humidity level in this room supposed to discourage breathing, or…?
  2. I barely know how to ride a regular bike, so what made me think I could maneuver this death trap is beyond me. Apparently I have knock-knees or something, because my knees would hit the knob that controls the weight you pedal with–aka: “Oh you feel comfortable with 20? SURPRISE! You will now lift a million pounds, AND you now have a bruise.”
  3. The upbeat music? You mean the super-speed show tunes that play in the background of Transformers having an all-out BRAWL? There were four different tempos I was supposedly trying to follow. The instructor spoke with real confidence, but I had no clue what she was saying. She did keep saying “roll!”, and although I am sure it was meant to inspire and motivate me, it just made me think of a Pillsbury crescent roll.
  4. I felt like I was stuck in the middle of a flashmob that I wasn’t a part of. Sit down! Stand up on your bike! But also keep pedaling at the same time while maintaining enough balance to stay on your bike! Keep your hips forward! (????) Arms straight! Or did she say “don’t keep your arms straight”? Chest up!

I can see why people might enjoy it, but from my point of view, it was like I accidentally joined a bike race, that took place in an EDM club somewhere in the depths of hell, while numbers (that were much higher than the ones on my screen) were screamed at me.

In conclusion, if you are hard-core cardio fanatic and enjoy being yelled at while loud music is playing, while trying to stay alive on a contraption- spin class is calling your name. Freakin’ 90-year-old Hilda is next to me strapping on her custom-made spin boots like she’s about to saddle up for Le Tour de France.

Me? I will stick to yoga and barre (but mostly the couch with my friends: Ben & Jerry).

Alexa, I’m bored. What should I do?

Being in your early twenties means you are still expected to do “things” after work/ on the weekends. It could be a Monday, Thursday, or a Friday and you will still have someone in the group text asking “Anybody want to grab a drink?” Whether it’s because your wallet is slowly withering away to nothing, or because you have been dreaming of getting back into bed as soon as you got out of it this morning, you’re staying in –and happy about it.

If you can’t find the password for your cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter-in-law’s Hulu/Netflix/Amazon Prime account, here are some tips to avoid boredom while you indulge your introverted side.

Decide on your go-to karaoke song

My personal favorite is to pretend I know all of the words to “Killing Me Softly”. Why? I have no explanation. I can hit approximately 0 of the notes. Sorry neighbors.

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Look up home renovation projects.

Coming from a girl who used a high-heeled shoe as a hammer to put up curtain rods, we all know this isn’t going anywhere. But hey, at least now you know that, in case of an emergency, you know how to retile a bathroom?

Look up how to poach an egg.

Honestly… does anyone even know?

Take ~100 personality tests on Buzzfeed

I mean, how do you really know yourself if you don’t know what type of bread you are?

Look up any ailments you have on WebMD

Hi yes, 911? I thought I just had sweaty eyelids, but it looks like that’s a definite symptom of volcanic ash poisoning, I think you should send an ambulance.

Decide who would play you if there was a movie about your life

I think I would be played by Betty White if I’m being totally honest. But hey– I’m open for suggestions!

This Isn’t Working Out

I am giving fitness my best shot.

Or at least a shot.

Taking group classes like barre, yoga, pilates, and basically anything that doesn’t require large amounts of cardio, has been an interesting experience.

Most instructors are great motivators. Seeing the perfectly toned, tanned, pinnacle of #health, usually motivates me to stop dreaming about pasta long enough to push myself harder than my usual pace of a line at the DMV on a Saturday. Meanwhile, I show up to their class probably late, wearing 1 of my 3 workout outfits, broken water bottle in hand, and definitely wheezing if I was required to take the stairs.

My issue with fitness instructors? They think I have a MUCH better sense of self-awareness than I actually do. While facilitating the workout, I have heard some of the most ridiculous directions and I want to know if I’m the only one that looks around the room like:

*Bridge Hip Raises* “Pretend your knees are water guns. Instead of pushing your hips up, roll your knees forward”

Okay so how much control do you think I have over my knee caps, chick? I can bend them, or straighten them, not arm myself for a backyard pool party.

“Tuck your ribcage under your chest bone”

I was unaware this class was geared towards members of Cirque du Solei ???

“Imagine a short string is tied from your belly button to your spine”

Is this a horror movie and are you about to murder me? lmk

“Push yourself!! Only 8 more and then you’re done!………………….with this specific set and then we’re going to do a combination of all of the moves we just did hehheheehe”

You are satan’s mistress and if you think I’m above screaming in public, think again.

If you want to, you can modify this move to this [continues to demonstrate a move that defies all laws of physics and gravity.]

mmkay yeah I’ll stick to my child’s pose here, sis.

Cycle instructor: *sees that I am having a near death experience on level 3* “Come on you can bring that up to level 40!”

Yeah, he said F-0-R-T-Y…

PHOEBE

I thank all of the wonderful instructors out there, and thoroughly apologize for my astounding lack of rhythm, coordination, balance, and overall sense of where my limbs are.

Slide1#lifestyle #gym #doingmybest #happytoB #fitnessinstructor #barre #yoga #pilates #cycle #fitness #help #lol

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My Top 9 Restaurants in Knoxville

As I mentioned before in a previous post, Knoxville is simply amazing to me. One of the best parts about Knoxville is the plethora of amazing restaurants that always have you coming back for more. This list is a compilation of all of my favorite restaurants in Knoxville.

  1. Tomato Head
    • Okay, this place is a vegan’s heaven. They have SO many vegan options as well as many other meaty and cheesy options for the carnivores of the family. Whenever my parents come into town, they never miss an opportunity to go to this delicious and trendy spot.
  2. Uncorked
    • I have only been here twice but I’m determined to get back there any chance I get. I have had great service both times. The menu is always changing, but always amazing. And most importantly, their sangria menu was hand picked by the gods.
  3. Blue Coast
    • Blue Coast is a very good place to go for a good price. Sometimes their service is a little spotty because they get so busy, but it’s often worth the wait. I went here with my boyfriend for our first date, and it was here he learned that I am not a delicate eater- but hey, he stuck around, so thanks Blue Coast!
  4. Tupelo Honey
    • Tupelo Honey has made me understand the craze for biscuits in the South. They have the best biscuits I have ever had and they pair it with the most amazing blueberry jam. Their sweet potato pancakes should be in a museum somewhere-they are truly delicious.
  5. The French Market
    • The French Market was a recent find that my boyfriend and I decided to take my parents on their last morning in Knoxville the last time they visited. They specialize in crepes, and lucky for them, I specialize in eating crepes! They’re chai tea latte (with almond milk) nearly brought me to tears it was so good.
  6. Trio
    • Trio caught me a little off guard because I had never really heard anything about it, but thank the lord I decided to go there with my dad and sister after my 21st birthday. Trio had the best portobello burger I have ever had.
  7. Downtown Grill and Brewery
    • Right now this one might be my personal favorite because I am living on a college budget, and they have the best happy hour deals EVER! $3 margaritas and LITs are what dreams are made of.
  8. Mellow Mushroom
    • Not specific to Knoxville, but they have vegan pizza and calzones that could change the world. Seriously-YUM!
  9. Cocoa Moon
    • Also a secret gem of Market Square, Cocoa Moon has a great environment that makes me feel like I am in a classy NYC bar with a southern charm. I have gotten the same server every time and she is such a sweetheart; excellent service!!

Enjoy!

xo,

B

My Weekend As A Dog Sitter

imageGoing through college I understand that this is my time to figure out what I want to do with my life. To find out what I’m good at and see if I can turn a skill or interest I have into making a living for myself. This process is only made possible through trial and error.

My roommate went out of town this weekend left her dog here with me and I can firmly state without a shadow of a doubt that I am not meant to be a dog sitter. I love dogs so much and I especially love Nala but getting up at 4 am to take a dog out is not something I can do with a smile on my face. Nala is currently snuggling with me and most likely chewing on something she shouldn’t be chewing on.

So shout out to Nala for getting me one step closer to figuring out what I’m going to do with my life.

xoxo,

B

My Attempt At Running

Whether we like it or not, summer is quickly approaching. I might just be speaking for myself here, but I have taken great comfort in the fact that all of my swim suits and shorts have been tucked WAY under my bed all winter. Spring break was a very cruel reminder that I have been avoiding the gym like the plague.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not really about body image or anything like that. In all honesty, I can’t afford to buy new bathing suits or shorts, so unfortunately that means I need to get myself in gear, or my wallet will (quite literally) pay the price.

Considering it was about 73 degrees yesterday in Knoxville, I decided to start my endeavor into healthier habits. I went on a “run” (mostly a jog with a lot of walking involved). I’d like to take a moment to remind you all that I cannot remember the last time I “ran”. I played varsity field hockey in high school, so i’m really not sure what happened…

I thought it might be fun to share with you all the thoughts that were going through my head as I decided to run for the first time in a VERY long time.

  1. Its so nice out, this is a great idea. I am just so smart, I will be summer ready in no time!
  2. Okay..Alright… breathing is getting a little heavy over here.
  3. I probably should have put together a running playlist so I could’ve avoided running to the beat of “My Heart Will Go On”.
  4. Okay, I’ve been going pretty fast I can take a break.*10 minutes of walking*
  5. Oh shoot, fit people are running towards me, I better start running again so they don’t make fun of me.
  6. How do people run for fun? I think I must just be doing it wrong..actually I bet they’re all lying.
  7. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch- why are my ankles shattering beneath me.
  8. When are those endorphin things supposed to kick in? What if I don’t have any? Ugh.
  9. Turning around now…or maybe one of my roommates could come pick me up…
  10. Okay fine I guess I’m running ALL the way back.
  11. I’M NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS FIT LIFESTYLE
  12. A little bit of love handles never hurt nobody..
  13. NO. I will pull myself together and my muffin top will be GONE.
  14. …I could really go for a muffin right now.
  15. I see my house! SPRINT SPRINT SPRINT
  16. Aaaaaand that was a horrible idea, back to jogging.
  17. Almost there…dying….dead…
  18. Oh couch, how I have missed you!
  19. *eats everything in fridge*
  20. *Passes out for 3 hours*

Happy Running!

xoxo,

B