Toxic traits: We all have ’em. As long as you stay near the “annoying” side of the scale as opposed to the “possible serial killer” side, you’re probably good to go and laugh at yourself.

Here are a few of my many toxic traits:

I blast Christian radio when I’m stuck in traffic to help with road rage

I’m less likely to call someone a “hairy-chested inbred” if I’m listening to people singin’ about Jesus.

I mix up the words “flavored” and “scented”

I went into Bath and Body Works and told the lady I loved vanilla flavored candles at check out. I think she knew what I meant, but in case she’s reading this— I swear I don’t eat the candles.

I have 40 aaaalmost empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner in my shower

Marie Kondo would be ashamed. I understand it’s a problem–but I also understand that I 100% intend to buy more shampoo, and 0% intend to throw any away yet.

My response to the third alarm going off in the morning? “I SEENT IT”

Out loud. And every morning, I am just as surprised when that sentence comes out of my mouth…

I take the remote with me when I get up to do something, only to leave it near the tv.

*Finally gets comfortable in bed after 40 years of shifting around* *spots remote sitting across the room* DANG IT.

I have 4000 unnecessary keys on my keychain

Over here looking like a janitor for a 17 story building: Gym pass, work building pass, house key, car key, bull key chain?, bottle opener I got for free at a UT football game freshman year, mailbox key, mystery key??? , broken key, parents’ house key…